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Famous lay-off letters


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#1 chaterpilar

chaterpilar

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Posted 21 March 2006 - 01:22 PM

Roses are red, violets are blue.
Al Gore's out of work, and so are you.

Your writing was great! Such a way with cards!
Now please leave quietly or we'll call the guards.

We all know that you're valuable,
You do so many things,
But we found someone for half your pay
With dreads and eyebrow rings.

Your poems were sublime! Your work left us gaspin'!
But the prez wants to build a new condo in Aspen!

Roses are red, violets are blue.
I wouldn't get sick, if I were you:
You've lost your job, and your insurance, too.

Get Re-employed Soon!

We realise that on this solemn day,
A part of our company goes with you.
We strongly suggest that you put it back.
Signed, the guys in Security.

Don't think of it as getting older.
Think of it as dying penniless after a meal of Alpo
on toast.

You are invited to a layoff!
Date: Today
From: Management
For: Restructuring
Bring: Your belongings

During your times of suffering, when you could see
only one set of footprints, it was then that you had
your feet on the desk and your lazy ass was playing
Minesweeper.

At writing cute poems, you were the bomb,
but now we suggest monster.com.

We hope this friendly greeting card
Will ease your post-job tension,
At least until you find that we
Have pissed away your pension.

In order to replace your work,
We'll have to count on Tom.
We're sure that he can handle
Surfing redhotbuns.com.

Your work was really wonderful,
But we have to boost our stock.
We're really sad to see you go -
Please don't rampage with your Glock.
and the Number 1 Layoff Greeting Card...

You've been a great employee,
So diligent and true.
But there is no "i" in "our team,"
And now there is no "u."




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